Ashleigh (ashleighc32) wrote,

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Just thought I'd restate this.

I was reading old entries of when Julie and I were still friends. I remember I would try to pour my heart to her but it never really worked, I always wanted to, but she was so damn demanding. She always fucking expected me to tell her everything when I was really trying to. She pushed me so much, eventually right over the edge. I hope to never see her face again. Because it hurts to know she used to promise me, we wouldn't be like other people. Whatever

Early October Entry That I Wrote:
"AND WEREN'T YOU THE ONE TELLING ME YOU'D NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN? for being a whore, a slut, a liar, a fake? It's not like those things have changed it's just you've realized there's no escaping it.

Stop being so FUCKING paranoid. I DO NOT USE YOU. I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU, YOU ARE REALLY FUCKING COOL WHEN YOU JUST STOP WORRYING SO FUCKING MUCH. If I used you, I would never talk to you in school, or out of school, only when I came over or needed something. AND I DONT FUCKING DO THAT. I ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU. I'm sick of you trying to back out of shit because you think that my ideas will get you in trouble, I WOULD NEVER WANT HARM TO COME YOUR WAY. Why don't you understand that?

You're one of the coolest people I've ever met but you're overly paranoid and you are so stuck on the things you've lost. If I was always stuck on the things I never had or the things I lost, I'd probably KILL MYSELF. But I'm a better person than that, and I hope you are too. Because yes, you've lost some things in your life, but you're going to have to get over it, because missing something doesn't bring it back

Please.. just understand that I care so much about you but I have a hard time telling you that or saying it to you because I don't show emotion to anyone except Jon, because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO."

Too bad you never listened to a damn fucking word I ever told you. Too bad you told me you cared so fucking much but never enough to just realize how hard it was for me. Sometimes I look back and still don't beleive what I saw in you. Cause right now, all I see is over dramatic, attention seeking, self centered NEEDY person. I tried so FUCKING hard.
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